I DIDN'T DESERVE THAT!

I was on my way to my client's house last week when I found myself not concentrating on where I was going.  I ended up driving by the road I was supposed to turn onto.  I didn't want to turn around so I figured out another route.  I convinced myself that this way was just as good as the other.  As I turned onto the new road, I had not driven far when my cell phone went off.  My contractor, Mike, was calling me to tell me he was lost.  He was giving me names of roads and asking me if he was in the area of my client's house.  By the description he was giving me, I really thought he was not too far away from the destination.   I was feeling bad because it was my fault he was lost.  Earlier, he had asked me for an address and I didn't give him a full address.  His GPS would have gotten him to the job, no problem.  While I was talking to Mike, I noticed a school to my right.  I also noticed a police car sitting in front of the school.  I did not see anyone in the car and assumed the police officer was in the school.  As I was going by the police car, the lights went on.  Great!  I could not believe what was happening.  I knew right then...I was in trouble.  I had not been paying attention.  All of my thoughts were going to figuring out where my contractor was.  What an idiot!   No...not my contractor....me!  

When the officer came to the car, I rolled down my window and I handed him my license.  He smiled and said, "Mam, I clocked you at 34 mph in a school zone".  I couldn't say anything in my defense because I had no idea how fast I was going.  My heart was in my throat.  I mumbled to him I wasn't even supposed to be on that road and I wouldn't have gone by a school.  I said, "This is not a good time for me to screw up."  I told him business is really slow and the social security office has messed up my husband's checks and we were not receiving anything.  Of course, our financial difficulties have nothing to do with my speeding issue!  I was totally distraught.  The officer continued to be very kind to me.  He asked me for my insurance information and I handed him what I thought was the right one.  He looked at it and said, "This is last years information...look some more."  I started getting increasingly upset.  My hands started to shake, my eyes became blurry with tears and I was wildly digging through the glove box basically handing him every piece of paper in there!  He gently touched my shoulder and said, "Why don't you take a deep breath and relax while I go back to my car and check your license information."  After he left my car, I bowed my head and prayed.  "Lord, I have really messed up.  Please have him give me mercy."  Not really believing anything good was going to come from this horrible event, I hung my head down waiting for the bad news.  I was waiting to receive a huge ticket for my misbehavior...calmly awaiting my fate.  The officer came back to my car and said, "Mam, I am only going to give you a warning this time.  Your record is very good!"  I was shocked!  I had to make myself close my mouth.  I said, "Really?"  He touched my arm and said, "Now, go home and find your insurance information and put it in your car."  I stuck my hand out the window and shook his hand and thanked him profusely!  I could not believe what happened.  "Thank you Jesus!" is what came out of my mouth.  

Recently, I have been studying about mercy.  In Psalm 103:10 it says that God doesn't treat us as our sins deserve nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.  Mercy means,"You don't receive the punishment that is rightfully yours". 

I didn't deserve that!  I didn't deserve mercy.  I deserved a ticket.  I am glad I missed the original road.  This road took me to a new life lesson personally showing me what mercy looks like.

CIRCLE CHURCH

In recent weeks, I have been reading some books and articles that have tweaked my thinking on what "Church" looks like.  Some of the books I have read are "Organic Church", "Organic Community" and "So, You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore".  I like reading things that challenge me to think outside of the box.  Church is happening everywhere...dorm rooms, homes, coffee shops...really, everywhere!  I recently had a dream.  I dreamed I was at a coffee shop and I was surrounded by a group of people and we were "doing Church".  The next day, I told my husband and a friend about my dream.  I laughed and said, "When I am at a coffee shop, should I make a sign that says CHURCH"?

  All stories that I will tell will probably have an element of transparency in them.  I sometimes am not proud of how I do life but thankfully God seems to work with us anyway, doesn't He?!  Here is another God story...

One morning, not long ago, my husband and I had a disagreement.  (I am positive none of you ever have those in your life!!!  LOL)  As per usual...he went silent and angry and I went to tears.  I decided I would get up and get around, since obviously...there would be no more sleeping.  I got up and decided to get coffee at a favorite coffee shop.  I got dressed, washed off my tears and pulled down my hat low on my forehead.  As I was leaving, I ironically, picked up my bag that had my Bible Study lesson in it and grabbed a cd that a gal from Bible Study had given me a couple weeks earlier.  She had given me the cd telling me that the worship on it reminded her of how I lead.  To be honest with you, I was afraid to hear it so I left it on my counter!!  That had nothing to do with the person who gave it to me...it had all to do with my own insecurities.

As I started driving, I immediately burst into tears.  I preceded to be angry with God.  I kept telling Him how I didn't understand what He was doing.  I asked Him why He allows certain things to happen even when I have been praying for an answer for a problem for years.  I continued with my rampage against Him.  I told Him I was angry that He gave songs to me.  "You will NEVER use me!"  "I am broken!" "I am so frustrated!"  These were the lovely sentiments I was telling God as I was crying my way down the road.  I put the cd in the stereo...I don't know why...because I was not in the mood to worship.  When the music came on, I had to admit it was soothing.  But, I was not going to sing with it...that is until the singer repeated the same phrase over and over and over and I finally found myself singing with him.  "The Lord is Good ........His love endures.....".  I finally stopped crying and admitted to God that I was sorry and of course I know He is good.

As I parked the car, I wiped the tears from my face and again adjusted my hat low.  I was hoping that this action would send a signal that said "Today, I am unapproachable".  I found my perfect place in the coffee shop.  I got the closest chair to the fireplace.  I turned the flames on and left my jacket and bag to "mark" my territory.  I went to order my coffee, uncomplicated as usual, a caffeine-free sugar-free vanilla latte skinny extra-hot.  Luckily, I don't have to say this anymore.  They say, "Hi Naomi, your usual?"  I say, "Yes, thank you!"  That particular day was a good day for that because in keeping with my goal...I did not want to converse with anyone.  I went back to my seat and dove into my Bible study.  As unemotionally and task oriented as possible, I answered the questions as best I could.

Later, a friend came into the Coffee shop.  We both smiled and waved and after he ordered his coffee, he came and sat next to me.  He has recently started pastoring a small church.  We talked about how things were going for him and his congregation.  I shared with him the new insights I have been learning about new ways of "doing church".  We chatted for a while and before he left, he squeezed my hand and said goodbye.  As he was leaving, I promised to pray for him and the church.  After he left, I thought maybe that was why I was at that place...at that time.

 

I cuddled up in my own aloneness.  I kept my protective hat low and continued my study.  It began to get very busy.  I could hear lots of talking around me but of course did not want to engage.  After awhile, it was impossible for me not to engage.  I realized that I was encircled by people.  They had come into MY space, uninvited, I might add.  I could not concentrate anymore and decided to look up and listen to what they were talking about.  There was only one chair empty.  It was directly to my left.  A gentleman came in last ( I am going to call him Joe...).  Everyone obviously knew him and were concerned about him.  They all started asking him how he was.  He looked extremely depressed!  He asked everyone, "How am I supposed to feel...my life is a wreck...my wife is dying...I just put her in a home...someone just stole $40,000 from me in a car scam...and this week, I am taking out bankruptcy!"  Okay, he definitely had my attention!  One guy patted Joe's leg and as best as he could, came up with these comforting words..."You will feel better in a week or two." Another person wanted to give comfort in another way.  Jokingly, he asked if Joe had found someone to be with.  My head spun around so fast I am surprised it didn't fly off and roll across the room.  I am sure my look did not make him feel very good.  He smiled a timid smile and said, "What?!  Everyone needs someone one!"  That is when I heard God say...look up and around you.  I knew at that moment, this was the dream.  I stood and put my hand out to Joe and asked him to sit next to me and tell me about himself.  He began to tell me his sad story.  He told me the week before he wanted to kill himself.  He drove by a church and decided to stop and see if someone could help him.  They reached out to him and he decided to rededicate himself to Christ.  I was so blessed to hear that!  I told him that his circumstances would probably not change overnight.  God wanted him to focus on Him.  God is in control of his circumstances.  I explained to him that I write music and wanted to share the idea of a song I wrote.  The song is "Sing Over Me".  I began to remind him of a scripture in Zephaniah 3:17...which says God sings over us.  Immediately after I told him the words, a woman across the circle said, "I don't get this".  I said, "You don't get what?"  She said, "This...this ...you know, support".  She said, "Will you say the words of your song again?  Not for Joe, but for me...and my life."  After I repeated the words, she smiled and thanked me.  Now, I felt compelled to pray for Joe.  Oh Man!  I am in the middle of a Coffee Shop!  Yes, I followed through.  I told the group I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable but I felt I needed to pray for Joe.  One gentleman jumped up and mumbled....uh....prayer....uh....A woman stood up and said, "Trade places with me then, because I believe in prayer!"  He happily switched places with her and I prayed a short prayer for Joe and his family.  When I went to leave, I hugged this perfect stranger.  I gave him a business card and told him to call me anytime.  I knew in my heart...THIS is "Church".

As I got into the car, I burst into tears.  WHAT WAS THAT?!!!  I told God I was so sorry that I said the things I did. I know God knows me as a broken person but He showed me He can use me best when I am broken.   God is a powerful God.  He is in control.  The cd started playing again...the same phrase...God is good.....His love endures...This time I sang and cried and worshipped!  The week before in Bible Study, I had given my very first testimonial.  At the end of it, I had described my life by a picture.  I felt like I was a beautifully colorful balloon ready to fly but tethered.  As I was driving home, I was reminded of that.  I heard a small still voice say, "that is what it looks like when you are untethered".  

(Incidentally, the cd that played such a large part in this story has never been listened to since.  I did not want to spoil the sweetness...the powerful redundant message of God's love and steadfastness.)